SKUNKED
     by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

The door to our cabin was open.
We heard pots and pans collide.
Fred sped to the truck for the rifle.
Someone or something was inside!

"Come on out," Fred sounded brave,
"I've gotta gun, ya little punk."
Another clatter of dishes -
We peeked in and saw the skunk.

I mean the black and white furry kind
You don't want to be a pettin'.
I was hoping Fred would have a plan.
But from his looks, I wasn't bettin'.

I pushed the door open wide,
And we slowly backed away.
Then I looked around in horror
At Boomer and Cassius Clay.

The dogs had bound in from the fields.
I commanded, "Come here, boys."
Then something crashed inside the house.
The dogs darted for the noise.

I winced at ferocious barking
That ended with a forlorn yelp.
The dogs retreated out the door
And ran to us for help.

We scolded the pungent mutts away.
They scrubbed their noses in the weeds.
The skunk then shuffled off the porch,
Undaunted by his deeds.

Fred and I were both aghast.
Our home spewed forbidding air.
We whiffed in the truest meaning
Of biological warfare.

We drove to neighbors, Jake and Lynn,
Not knowing where else to go.
They tried looking sympathetic.
Inside they were laughing though.

"Go ahead and laugh," I said,
"We would if it happened to you.
But folks, we've got a stinking house
And we don't know what to do.

All I know about's tomato juice.
You can't wash a house with it.
We've got no place to sleep tonight.
Our cabin sure ain't fit!"

They let us borrow their motor home
And started calling friends
For ideas on defumigatin'.
We got advise on the other ends.

"Baking soda", "Lysol", "Gasoline."
"Gasoline?" ? "Yeah, then strike a match.
'Cause you'll never get that stench out,
So you might's well start from scratch."

"Lemons", "Tomato Juice", "Vinegar",
"My brother sells wonderful stuff."
Vinegar and tomato juice headed the list.
We cleaned out the store in Red Bluff.

With vinegar solution I washed
Floors and walls and table legs.
Gaggin', I felt like I was
Coloring skunks and Easter eggs.

Clothes in the closet, drapes and bedding
All got laundered twice.
Fred said he could still smell skunk.
"But honey the house looks nice!"

The upholstery and rugs got shampooed
By a professional agency.
We moved back in (except the dogs)
With pure complacency.

The next afternoon when we came home
Boomer and Cassius were occupied
Barkin' and pawin' the basement window
At whatever was inside.

Before I could call them off
Boomer had scrambled through.
What we feared we soon could smell.
I expressed more than just "pee-ew!"

I opened up the cellar door,
Tied the hound dogs to a tree,
Grabbed the Winchester from the cab,
And got down on one knee.

I'd never killed a thing before
(Fred's the hunter of our clan)
But I was good with targets,
Could pick out letters on a can.

Two hours later he emerged.
I traced him with the scope
Until he reached the brush line,
When that polecat had no hope.

As I got the vinegar Fred tried to joke,
"The basement needed cleaning anyway."
I handed him the scrubbing things,
Then got in the truck and drove away.