PORCUPINE
     by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

Taking a pleasure ride one evening,
I was four miles from the barn,
When I heard this high-pitched yelp -
Like my dog in a trapper's iron.

Then Goldie came a runnin'
Looking wild and afeared -
White spikes all through her muzzle
Like some kid would draw a beard.

Might have looked a bit amusin'
If it had been just a picture.
But that's the best dog ever was,
How those quills must sting and itch her.

We headed back fast as we could
On a trail that's rough and rocky.
It seemed to take four times as long,
Though my steed was sure and stocky.

Back home I grabbed the pliers.
But very far I didn't get.
She squirmed and cried and snapped.
So I had to call the vet.

He told me to come to his house
That's some forty miles away.
That's twelve miles on gravel,
But the rest on a big highway.

Goldie sat on the pickup seat
As if twas all a joy ride.
But I was oozin' beads of sweat;
T'were knots throughout my inside.

The stuff I'd bought at the convenience store
Was still layin' in the truck.
One by one I ate the doughnuts
As if compulsive hunger struck.

We'd long been travelin' in the dark,
A dozen fudge brownies et,
When I got the stunned realization
That I'd drove on past the exit.

Doc gave a shot that knocked her out,
Then pulled the quills with ease
From tongue and lips and jowl and said,
"That will be forty dollars, please."

Two weeks later on another ride
It all happened once again.
"Dog, I thought you would have learned.
You're costing me some Yen."

Still wouldn't let me pull the quills,
We left once more for Redville.
Goldie dozed off to sleep,
And I wasn't near so fretful.

Exactly one week after that,
Goldie pawed, whimperin' at the door.
"You dumb dog, not this again.
You keep going back for more.

"Come on gal, to the vet we go."
Resigned I gave a shrug.
Sure would be a lot easier though
If I had that knockout drug.

"That's a hundred twenty dollars, dog.
I'm not so sure you're worth that.
Next time you bite at a porcupine
I'm trading you in for a cat."

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