JAQUES
     by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

It was Friday night
At the Longhorn Bar.
They were teaching Western Swing.
I didn't have a partner
But I wanted to do something.

I'm normally shy
But I'd had a beer
(With me, all it takes is one).
I approaced a bearded stranger.
My gawd, he wore a gun!

"Hi, my name's Becky."
"Howdy, I am Jaques."
"I wondered if you'd like to dance.
You've got a funny accent."
He replied, "I'm from France."

I said, "Now France,
Well wadda ya know.
An' packin' a pistol yet.
Mighty pretty holster,
But this ain't movies, don't forget."

"I am surprised to see
That no one else
Has brought their arms in here.
For outside are many rifles.
Are there bandits that they fear?"

You mean the gun racks
In the pickups?
That's just a macho thing.
For most, they're decoration -
Like how a woman flaunts a ring."

"I am so happy,
I look around
At cowboys everywhere."
"Ha! They're just playing dress up.
It's all costume, I swear.

"Joe there sells insurance;
Susie, tupperwear.
Barry works for the State.
That guy runs a pawn shop.
And Chuck's into Real Estate.

"Can't say I see
A real cowboy,
Though there's some around, it's true.
Most here have never touched a cow,
But some own a horse or two.

"Now wait, that man
Who just walked in -
He's got himself a spread
An' ropes calves in the rodeo.
They call him Lightning Ed."

I introduced
Jaques to him.
He got invited to the ranch
To see American cowboys.
Jaques was jumpin' at the chance.

"Do you think you
Could drive me there?
You see, I am hitching ride."
"You hitch-hike with a pistol?"
"No, I keep it packed inside."

The dancing lessons
Had begun.
I drug Jaques to the floor.
We were doing good together
'Cept for that stupid gun he wore.

You don't dance close
In Western Swing,
'Cept for this cuddle part.
An a Colt jabbin' you in the middle
Ain't a warmin' to the heart.

The pawn shop guy
Had eyed the gun.
He walked up during break.
Said he'd like to see the piece.
He reminded me of a snake.

It was engraved
Real fancy like,
With ivory pistol grips.
"My God, where did you get this?"
You could see dollars on his lips.

My grandfather
Was French liaison
For Bill Cody's Wild West Show.
Buffalo Bill gave him this
And a carved Apache bow.

How'd you get that
On the plane?
Never mind; it doesn't matter.
I'm a history buff, you know.
And so began his chatter.

He talked of guns
And Old West lore.
Jaques was fasciated.
Me, I was getting bored.
My dancing night was wasted.

He invited Jaques
To stay the night
And see his big collection
Of Indian relics, cavalry swords,
And stuff that skips my recollection.

Jaques turned to me
And asked if I
Could pick him up at eight
And take him to the cowboy's ranch.
That folks, was my French date.

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