Country-

The other day I found some papers on the floor. Apparently they had fallen out of a drawer. Two years ago I wanted to write a new poem for a cowboy poetry competition. So I wrote some limericks to get the creative juices flowing.

Here they are. I hadn't looked at them since I wrote them. And as I always say, they may not be good, but they're short.

Hilma

There once was a lady named Shane
Who got drunk and danced in the rain.
She passed out quite daft
Drenched like she'd taken a bath
But obviously feeling no pain.

There once was a dog from Marid
Who sat on an old toilet lid
Then he slipped and he splashed
And the children all laughed
To see what that silly dog did.

A cat named Percy from Hershey
Once begged a big dog for mercy.
"If you leave me alone,
"I'll find you a bone,
"Or your face will be shreaded by Percy."

A pretty debutante from Boston
Was asked, "Do you come here often?"
She enjoyed that old line
If from a gentleman, fine -
But not from a cowboy from Austin.

Okay, I know you can do better, so email your contributions.

Lord, please have mery on the cowboy's girl.
by Mel Sturm

Lord, please have mery on the cowboy's girl.
Cowboys don't seem to see the heartache they put their girls through.
We fall like stones in love with a man we believe will do us right,
But in the end all we see are broken hearts.

We're always right beside them in everything they chose to do.
We love the ranching live just as much as they do,
But we always seem to find a little romance to attach.

We may be more and willin' to roll out of bed at 3 to help the hiefer in need,
and keep on going when the sun rises when we havn't seen a bed.
We work right along side our men doing the best we can,
Also making sure that they are getting the right amount of food and sleep.

But we have to ask ourselves "are they seeing our needs?"
The cows and horses are important we know for that's a bond that we share,
The way of life that the animals bring is what runs through both our veins.
But what runs deeper, The love for the work or the love for us?

Most of us find that all we can do is stand back and watch
For thier love for the country is much stronger than for us.
Cowboys are ment to run the range alone
And most of us learn this the hard way at home.

So girls if you find a man that loves ranching like yourself
Watch out for that cow is going to get the kiss way before yourself.

Mel Sturm, 02/01
Melgsturm@aol.com

Joke
The Chicken Gun

From "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation:

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.

The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.

They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:

"Use a thawed chicken."

"One cat just leads to another."
- Ernest Hemingway

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