March 17, 2001
Welcome to the third bite-size edition of Country-Fried Bull delivered to your email. You can also view issues on the web at www.globe-rider.com/bull.html
features a poem or story or article or two, plus a joke.
Poems and stories are published with the consent of the
author and may not be reproduced without their
permission. Jokes, however, fly around the internet at
the speed of light and it is usually not possible to know
the originator, but submitters will be acknowledged.
THE PARROT by Hilma (Volcano) Volk Once upon a morning dreary as I woke up tired and weary To the dreaded alarm clock ringing, I promptly hit the snooze. Then as I resumed to my napping, suddenly there came a clapping, As of massive bird wings flapping, flapping wings of Curlicues Who swooped down upon the remote - - my big macaw named Curlicues. Then he turned on KREM 2 News. Eyeballs groggy inside my head, still not stirring from my bed, "What's the weather like?" I said. "Which clothes am I to choose? "Is there fog or is it snowing? How is the traffic flowing? "What's the thermometer showing? Tell me wise one, Curlicues - - "You seem to know and see all things; tell me wise one, Curlicues." Quoth the parrot, "KREM 2 News!" "And what has happened overnight? What were the wrongs, what went right? "How's the Presidential fight, latest City Council spews? "Were there more robbers on the prowl? What was fair, what was fowl? "Now come on bird, unlock your jowl, can't you give me any clues. "I have to act informed at work, can't you give me any clues." Quoth the parrot, "KREM 2 News!" "Do I hear voices in my trance? Gee that sounds like Robyn Nance. "She can't be here, no not a chance." The automated coffee brews. "Was that Issa Arnita's laugh? Tell me bird, on my behalf, "I think I hear the whole news staff." My mind is easy to confuse. "What are they doing in my house? My mind is easy to confuse." Quoth the parrot, "KREM 2 News!" So out of bed I go stumbling, all the while, mumbling, grumbling, Then with the toothbrush fumbling. That face in the mirror is whose? "Any news on Patrick Ewing? Scams brewing? Who is suing? "What is the stock market doing? Give me something I can use. "Are gas prices on the rise? Give me info I can use." "Just shut up and watch the News" Awakened to reality - - There they were on my TV. Telling about society and of the latest issues. How can they be so cheery, on this morning cold and dreary? Perhaps they would have a theory to help with these winter blues. Perhaps a play or a movie to help with these winter blues. It's all there on KREM 2 News !! Curlicues chats on the phone, happy to be left alone Ignoring me, I don't bemoan; the bird he has paid his dues. KREM 2 News Early Morning, oh my life they are adorning, But to the bird I give a warning, "Please stop crapping in my shoes. "Katie Baker doesn't peck my head; she doesn't crap in my shoes. "I'm growing fond of KREM 2 News. "You could be replaced by KREM 2 News." Quoth the parrot, "You amuse."
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you."
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage, and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot:
"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot:
"What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
judgement comes from experience.
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