Welcome to the second bite-size edition of Country-Fried Bull delivered to your email. You can also view issues on the web at www.globe-rider.com/bull.html

Each issue features a poem or story or article or two, plus a joke. Poems and stories are published with the consent of the author and may not be reproduced without their permission. Jokes, however, fly around the internet at the speed of light and it is usually not possible to know the originator, but submitters will be acknowledged.
Enjoy,
Hilma Volcano Volk

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	I SURE GOT A KICK OUTA THAT

		1

       One-Eyed Jack and Meself wuz just talkin'
	Swappin' stories around the campfire
	And tho' some of them yarns wuz amazin'
	Neither Jack or Meself is a Liar

	Well, Jack spoke up and said, 'Lissen Old Mate'
	I got a yarn that ya might like to hear
	So be a good chap, grab another 'Six pack'
	Pay attention and lend Me Yer Ears
	Oh I could tell by the look in his one beady eye
	That Old Jack's got a Whopper to tell
	And it ain't just by the look in his eye that I saw
	There's a grin on his old face as well

	So, He sips on his beer and settles right back
	And clears his throat, as a signal I guess
	And he's still got his grin, from the story within
	As he leans on his elbow and says
	'I wuz workin' one time, in the Bush
	In the West, near a place called Yalgoo
	Chasin' sheep every day for a livin'
	Lived on Tinned Dog and Old Mutton stew

	Now, I know that there's much Better jobs
	In a Factory, or That sort of place
	But Me, I like bein' in the open
	With the wind and the sun on me face
	And I s'pose that must be the main reason
	That I just like to work in the Bush
	Never 'ad too much time for them Cities
	Where ya find that a Shove become Push

	And I know that me Needs are quite simple
	Just a few Bob a week and me Keep
	Nah,  don't like them crowded streets in the Cities
	They remind me too much of Lost Sheep....
	But anyway, That ain't me story
	There's another I'd rather relate
	It concerns me Old Dog, name 'o Bluey
	A good Sheepdog, and a bloody good Mate

		
				2

	Well, this place me and Bluey wuz workin'
	It's real modern, had every Mod Con
	Had a couple of them B.S.A. motorbikes
	That we did all the musterin' on
	And Old Bluey, well he really loved 'em
	Loved to ride up with me on the bike
	And apart from him droolin' inta me face
	It wuz somethin' the pair of us liked

	He'd just lay there, sprawled out on the gas tank
	His front paws on the bikes handlebars
	And he'd drool with immense satisfaction
	That ya can't get from riding in Cars
	Ah but, one day, when we'd just finished workin'
	We're scootin' home down an old windmill track
	 I remember the sun slowly sinkin'
	And the feel of its warmth on me back

	So, the pair of us started relaxin'
	Both at peace with the world on that day
	And I s'pose it's times just like that
	 Things can Always go Wrong in some way......
	Ya see, Old Blueys' back leg, it wuz danglin'
	And swayin' around in the breeze
	And Me, I s'pose I wuz dreamin'
	Instead of holdin' him straight, with me knees

	Now, I dunno if you've ridden a 'Beeza'
	Built in England by some Pommy Mug
	But I can tell ya they were never designed
	To have dog paws put on the Spark Plug
	And sure enough, that's the next thing that happened
	And Strewth, did it give me a Turn
	It's a lesson I'll always remember
	And it's a lesson ya don't wanna learn

	Strike me pink, the next minute we're Flyin'
	And we broke all of Gravitys' rules
	When that spark travelled up Blueys leg
	And got me in the Family Jewells
	Geez, I dunno just whose yell wuz the loudest
	My Soprano, or His Baritone
	But I reckon I outdid Old Bluey
	Cos' his howls were drowned out by me own


			3

	Poor Old Bluey took off like a rocket
	With a look of surprise on his face
	And Me, I went over the taillight
	Tightly clutchin' a delicate place
	And the old bike, it just coughed, and kept runnin'
	And careered off right into the fence
	As I lay in the dust, softly groanin'
	Tryin' hard just to gather me sense

	I had visions of Sparks, and Dogs Flyin'
	And the thought of me close shave with death
	And I swore I'd catch Bluey and skin him
	Just as soon as I caught me next breath
	Gawd, it seemed like it took near a Week
	By the time that I'd got to me feet
	And the air wuz still Blue with me Curses
	And me thoughts were, 'Revenge'll be Sweet

	But, the next thing I know, I start Laughin'
	As this picture just flashed thru me mind
	Of how I'd flown thru the air like a Rag doll
	While them sparks flew from Blueys' behind
	There I was , in the middle of Nowhere
	Tryin' to dust meself off with me Hat
	And I've got this bad case of the Giggles
	Yeah, I Sure Got A Kick Outa That...........


	Les Mellet

A 60 year-old couple was celebrating their 40 years of marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish."

The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the world."

The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF!... He was 90!

"In dog years, I'm dead." - Unknown