BARN CATS
     by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

I got a cat for the barn,
To keep the mice in check -
An orange and white spotted Tom
With a bald spot on his neck.

"Free to a good home,"
The newspaper ad had said.
He howled under the pickup seat
Like some banshe from the dead.

Next day I went out and saw
Old Tom sleeping in the hay.
I watched a mouse dart 'cross his back
Then nimbly hop away.
He liked to watch the mice, tis true,
From his perch on the window sill.
But he was not compelled to chase
Much less go in for the kill.

One day he rubbed 'gainst Buster's leg.
The gelding kicked 'cause of a fly.
The hoof came down on Tommy's leg.
You should have heard him cry!

I'd have put that worthless cat to sleep,
But he had such trusting eyes.
A dangle-legged cat went to the vet
For an expert to apprise.

He said that he could set the leg
But a cat might not keep it on;
Put bad tasting stuff upon cast.
Fifty dollars later we were gone.

Tom's laziness helped him heal.
About then a pretty stray
Made her home in the barn.
She had thick long hair of grey.

She was quick to catch things.
She'd pounce and crush their skulls.
Devoured mice and birds like a savage,
Spitting out the guts like hulls.

She grew fat and had three kittens
(Two greys and a calico).
The mousers of the future,
I loved to watch them grow.

Soon she had another batch.
Six this time. Oh Joy!
A future full of kittens! She had
Five females and a boy.

"Free kittens", my ad stated,
"Take two and get five dollars.
Take three and I'll give you ten
And throw in the flea collars."

Seems every day I get more cats.
And male strays keep coming by.
The yowling cat fights last all night.
Tommy's got a puffed up eye.

Its cats and cats and cats and cats!
They're underfoot, they're overhead.
Some are wild as woodchucks.
Some are sleeping on my bed.

Friends say I should have got them spayed
Fore they got so out of hand.
Now must be sixty kitten machines.
To spay them all would cost two grand.

"What about the Chinese Restaurant?
I hear they like the meat.
You've heard of Kitten Chow Mein?"
Gee, aren't my friends sweet?

Its CATS and CATS and CATS and CATS!
Can't be a mouse left for a mile.
The cost of cat food's killing me.
This many cats is sure a trial.

Yep, so called friends had their ideas,
Like a kitten target shoot,
Or selling fine cat skin coats -
I could make a lot of loot.

"Hook 'em up to a tread mill
An' have 'em run a generator.
The way they multiply so fast,
Market a kitty calculator."

It's been interesting, for sure.
I've got four upon my lap.
Life would have been a whole lot simpler
If I'd only bought a mouse trap.