Country-Fried BULL
Jokes

Adam was returning home late one night in Eden after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn.

Eve got angry and yelled at him, "ARE YOU SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN?"

Adam responded, "Don't be silly, darling. You're the only woman on Earth," kissed her goodnight, and went to sleep.

Later that night, Adam woke up feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve.

"What the heck are you doing?" he asked.

She replied, "I'm counting your ribs!"

Submitted by Paul Harwitz
See his web sites
"Paul's Cowboy Poetry Page": http://www.isis-intl.com/paul/
and "Raucous Ranch": http://www.isis-intl.com/paul/ranch/

Roses are red,
Violets are blue --
I'm a schizophrenic
And so am I

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

Forwarded by Jeff Carroll

Daniel F Giallombardo

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef!

What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
"It's just an udder day"

How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down

Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry

What does a cow say while walking backwards?
ooM

What sound do you hear when you drop a water-balloon on a cow?
Cowboom

What is the fastest food on earth?
Milk, it's past-your-eyes before you know it.

Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the Cow has the udder.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled Millk

What did the farmer do after he was done milking the first cow?
He milked the udder one

What do you call a cow who can't give milk?
An udder failure

What do you call a cow who can't give milk?
A milk dudd

Did you hear about the wooden cow?
Wooden milk

What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers

What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?
An udder catastrophy.

Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Cowsgo
Cowgo Who?
NO, Cows Go Moo!

What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
Decalfenated

What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos

Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn't work

What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

What does the word "Pasteurize" mean?
Too far to see

Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.