Country-Fried Bull
Bullapulting

Story by Bob Kinford

	Bullapulting
(The sport bulls love and cowboys hate....)


One of my duties while working on the Crazy Mule ranch was taking care of the
yearling bulls out on pasture. I'd haul my horse out to the pasture, my saddle
bags armed with needles, syringes and antibiotics to check on these bulls a
couple of times a week.

On the particular day in question I came across a bull with an advanced
case of foot rot. I really wasn't looking forward to such a project as the colt I
was riding handled about as good a Mack truck with no shocks or brakes
and had a flat on the right front tire. Of course he compensated for this by
being as graceful and smooth to ride as a one legged kangaroo.

Being so well mounted I was really hoping that I could slip up at a
walk and catch the bull by both heels and stretch him out as a 1200 pound
bull is a little hard for me to flank down and tie. Turned out this bull was a little
shy and decided to leave the country so I spurred ol' King Klutz up to the chase.

Another thing ol' klutz didn't have going for him was speed and we moved
up on him about as fast as a five legged basset hound tripping over his ears
while chasing a three legged rabbit, but eventually we got there. About the time
I was going to throw my loop the bull ducked left and Klutz caught the afore
mentioned flat in a rut and ducked right. 

It only took four or five sections to get him turned around and once we got
lined up again it was kind like Dejavue, it happened all over again.

This time I got him turned around in only a couple of sections and I was
ready. When their paths crossed I tossed a hooilihand over my left
shoulder and caught the bull doing ninety in the opposite direction. Flipping
my slack over my body I went to the horn and burned off about forty feet of
poly as the bull jerked Klutz in a sharp, stumbling turn followed by a short knee
drag, face skiing stop, but we still had the bull. Riding a few circles around the
bull I managed to get his back feet tangled in my twine and tripped him up
so I could tie him down and treat him.

Once I had a good look at the foot I decided he would be needing a
little more than the medication I was carrying and would be better off in a pen
for a few days. As it happened this incident had terminated with the bull tied
down a hundred yards off of the highway and one of the fence crew
happened by as I was making my decision. Ed stopped to see if I needed
any help and even offered to give me a ride back to my outfit in his truck rather
than riding my four legged pogo stick. It was an offer I couldn't refuse.
As we drove off he commented "If anyone drives by and looks over
there its going to look like one heck'uva wreck to them."

Sure enough when I pulled up with the pickup there was a car parked
along the highway and some pilgrim was looking for my body (not noticing
that my horse was hobbled and the bull tied down...) I thanked him for having
the concern enough to stop and backed my trailer up to the bull, figuring on
dragging him in with ol' Klutz. Wrong...

He fought, bucked and pulled back, slamming Klutz into the trailer several
times before he jumped halfway into the trailer, sulled up and laid down.
By this time it was well after noon and I wasn't near halfway done with
what I needed to (or was supposed) to get done. The July sun was hotter than
a jalapeno pepper and I was tired of fighting this son of a cur dog so I tied his
back feet together and tied his front feet to the inside of the trailer and doctored
him with everything I had in my saddlebags plus some sulfa boluses I
found in the truck. My good Samaritan audience kept asking if there was
anything he could do, but there wasn't as the bull just lied perfectly still
throughout the procedure. When I untied him I figured he would jump up
and make tracks out of there. Wrong again.

I dropped my piggin strings on the ground, put my rope around the
bull's hind feet, mounted my gallant steed and pulled him the rest of the way
out of the trailer and that was where he laid, right in the way of me loading Klutz
and on top of my piggin strings. I could move the trailer to load the horse but I
would need those piggin strings on the next animal I would doctor so I
dismounted and tailed the bull up. As he calmly walked away he managed to
step on one of my piggin strings with one foot and swung the other into the
loop on the other end, pulling it tight around his foot. 

Thinking, or perhaps just reacting to the situation a little quickly I grabbed
the end of the pigging string and pulled his foot back, making sure my body
remained directly in back of the bull as they have a hard time charging in
reverse. After only a couple of seconds of this lopsided tug of war I had the
bull's foot in my hand and was ready to slip the rope off when my good
audience decided to participate in all of the fun and pulled on the end of the
rope to "help". Of course this action not only kept me from removing the piggin
string from the bulls foot it also greatly reduced my mobility. Before I could
politely ask him to get the <^>&}@! out of the way I was eyeball to eyeball with
the bull. As my participating audiencewas making sure the pigging string was
tight around my body I had no chance for a safe retreat and I knew from
experience what was coming next. I also knew in the back of my mind that I
had no chance of out running him but it was either try or stand there like a
bulling pin. Needless to say he was coming at me like a runaway Hundai
and was on me quicker than a porcupine quill on a dog's nose, planting
his head on my lower left cheek, implanting my hip into my shoulder as
he launched me like a little kid's toy rocket. Luckily he didn't want a second
shot. 

"I don't know if I can stand much more of this romance" I muttered as I
got up. 

After a couple of minutes I was able to get around enough to get ol'
Klutz into the trailer and away from my "help" to go finish my day's work.

NOTE: After careful measurement it was verified that Bull 1204C set a new 
world's record for the 1200 pound bulltapulting class of 42 feet 9 1/2 inches....


Bob Kinford - horse mumbler/cow whisperer
notlazy@presys.com
http://www.2lazy4U.com
2lazy4U Livestock & Literary Co.- The only livestock & literary Co known to the IRS
Too Lazy For You Livestock & Literary Co. All rights Reserved 

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