|A Texan wanted to go
ice-fishing. He'd read books on the subject, and finally,
after getting all the necessary gear together, he made
for the nearest frozen body of water to the North.
After positioning his foot-stool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly -- from above -- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the Texan moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of coffee, began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Texan, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up his stool, and tried again to cut his hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" He stopped, looked upward, and said, " Is that you LORD?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Arena Manager!"
Two men are ice fishing on a frozen lake. One man had been there for over two hours without a single bite. The other man, about a dozen feet away, had been fishing for half an hour and already had nearly a bucket-full.
This disturbed the other man greatly, so he walked over to him and asked him, "Excuse me, how do you catch all them fish?"
The other man looked at him and said, "Mummamummhumahmmummhummhmummm."
"What did you say?"
"Mummhumammummhumammumnmunhumm," mumbled the busy fisherman.
"You got a speech impediment? I can't understand you!"
The fisherman held a finger up, indicating to wait a minute. He reeled in another fish.
"OK, tell me how you do it."
As the 'expert' removed the fish from the hook, he looked at the man standing beside him. He put the fishing pole down and took a large wad of something out of his mouth.
"You have the keep the worms warm," he answered.
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